I recently decided to take advantage of the good weather and work on the stoep but unfortunately cannot eat even an apple in peace these days . . .
Its getting to monkey reproduction time - in fact I saw a pregnant one yesterday - August is the big month and around November all the babies appear, about five in this local troop.
Against all expectations (mine included), this country has pulled off the World Cup. The only grit in this particular tub of Vaseline was the fiasco at the King Shaka airport on semifinal night. All sorts of fingers have been pointed in various directions but I wouldn’t be surprised that it was one individual who was the cause of a thousand or so fans missing their big night.
FIFA has four planes that have been used to get them around SA. Then come the celebs - Ms. Theron et al. The plan was to get this type of aircraft to drop passengers off at the VIP section away from the main terminal. Possibly though, this individual had a rush of blood to some part of his anatomy and realised that he wouldn’t be seen with said celebs and have his mug taken with them if they disembarked at the agreed spot so he gave permission for them to park at the main terminal. Whereupon eight of the 15 skybridges were bunged up with celeb/VIP planes, all duly locked tight.
Said skybridges are designated for scheduled aircraft only - all coming in to their designated skybridge.
So, ACSA has some ’splainin’ to do because the fault falls firmly at their door - not as a shortcoming of the new airport. The R400,000 is going to go nowhere to recompense those passengers that had shelled out big bucks for the trip of a lifetime. It should be ten times that amount. I hope someone takes ACSA to task and that the individual to blame for this fiasco is dealt with.
Warthog has been around since 1997 and is in its 5th reincarnation. This however is still about 8 years old - light years in terms of the Internet. CSS had just arrived and all the tricks that browsers recognized were employed. The stylesheet is monstrous and around 40kb. I did tweak it a few years ago but a some weeks ago, a prospect noted that the site looked ‘old’ - which it does - and provided the necessary spark to tackle a revamp.
The first site was wonderful - all the techniques that are big NoNos today. There was a splash page with a leather background tile. In the middle was a punk warthog with Mohican orange hair, an earring and, even worse, an eye that winked showing a little heart on the eyelid.
The new site will employ new techniques but the emphasis will be on improving the content. I’m still not happy with it after all these years. Should be about a week until it appears.
ModX
About a year ago, I did a site for Ace Ministries. A Joomla site. I was not thrilled about it, or about Joomla. It was my first Joomla site and took a while to cobble together. The client took almost two years to finish it off and in the meantime I had done a much larger Joomla site for Civicus. The last Joomla site was for the local History Museum and I got really frustrated with its size and slow speed - particularly in the development.
The fellow Ace have temporarily looking after the site has managed to delete all the Components. I suggested to them that they do a reinstall and repopulate the pages to clean all the shrapnel from the CMS. They’re not keen and will probably fiddle their way through it. However, as an exercise I converted the site’s 50 pages to ModX as an exact replica of the Joomla site. It took three hours - mostly reformatting the content - and I was quite impressed. Replicating the whole look & feel and getting the accordion navigation right took less than an hour.
Its up at http://search-optimizers.co.za/ace/.
There’s something both touching and pathetic about England’s relationship with its football team. On the one hand, the media builds up huge expectations and on the other, the team’s performance is almost always substandard.
Anyone watching England’s games in this competition over the last few weeks would not have been brimful of confidence regarding their further progression. The players are certainly capable of better but seem completely bereft of any motivation every time they put on an England jersey.
And so it was yesterday at a match that should have been the pinnacle of a footballer’s career we saw the usual execrable performance - lack of commitment, poor positioning, poor tackling etc. etc. It’s no use blaming the manager, there’s something systemically wrong with the team itself and no guarantees that if you condemned the rest of this pitiful bunch to the bench, you’re not going to end up with the same woeful performance from another team.
It’s also a waste of time blaming the poor decision making of the officials but at this level, it’s insanity not to employ the same technology that is used in other sports. Even with this, the score would still have been 4 - 2.
The latest in a depressing string of mediocre performances stretching back decades and yet the players are not about to commit seppuku (as they deserve to) but rather refer to the game as an ‘off day’. I feel for sorry for the fans who spent hard earned cash to see their team. Perhaps next time that England play an international, no-one turns up.
Yesterday on Sky News there was the unedifying spectacle of the new statue of King Shaka being removed from its plinth outside the new King Shaka airport. The reason - if the local rags that pass as newspapers are to be believed - is that he looks ‘more like a herdboy’ and not a Zulu monarch. This from the current Zulu monarch, King Goodwill or his advisors.
The big gripe is not really that - although anyone who knows this country will know that herdboys are precisely that; boys in early adolescence which the statue clearly doesn’t depict - King Shaka is not manly enough and is without his spear or shield. Out of shot, on either side of him is an Nguni bovine.
Any casual student of Zulu traditions will also know that cattle are wealth and power and so would still form part of Shaka’s life. Shown in the photo are President Zuma and the Zulu king, all decked out with the leopard skins.
Now, no-one knows what Shaka looked like. He was born around 1785 and died at the hands of his half brother Dingane (as was usual) in 1828 at the time when photography was restricted to Daguerrotypes. His contact with Europeans was with a couple of the very early settlers from Port Natal (Durban) and with Portuguese traders from Delagoa Bay (Maputo).
His fame results from the fact that he united a collection of small tribes into a cohesive nation with a formidable army which he used to crush more small tribes. He also invented the ‘ixhlwa’, a short, sturdy stabbing spear. No much of a soldier could you be when you heaved the last of your assegais hopefully in the direction of the enemy. However, with your pal next to you prising your opponent’s shield away from his body, you were lethal.
My biggest complaint possibly is that he doesn’t look like a Zulu.
The question of course is this - were all the required people approached before the statue was commenced? Given the sensitive nature of the piece, I cannot believe that the ‘main manne’ were not approached. If they approved of the draft and if the final result was the same as the draft, it’s too late and they should leave it where it is.
I think we’re going to get a black Arnold Schwarzenegger with an AK47.
A very good ezine to subscribe to is Gerry McGovern’s. He takes real world examples of websites that are - at one end of the spectrum - subject to some usability problems to those at the other end that are completely awful.
I tell clients that they might approach an ad agency to have their website designed. It will be a many splendoured thing when it arrives. It will probably cost three times what I will charge (or more). A minor detail, however, more importantly, it will come with built in uselessness as far as search engine friendliness is concerned. I will quote from the latest McGovern newsletter:
No, I will quote the whole lot because it is worth reading. . . . . .
“THE REASON WHY AD AGENCY WEBSITES ARE TRULY AWFUL
Advertising agencies don't get the Web because the web is the place people go to do things. In 2004, I wrote an article advising companies to never, ever let an advertising agency near their website. Back then, ad agency websites were a total joke. If you wanted to find out the very worst way to design websites all you had to do was look to Ogilvy or Saatchi & Saatchi. So, have ad agencies changed? In 2010, have they gotten any better? No. If anything, they're getting worse. And there's a reason. Quality web management requires a set of skills that are almost diametrically opposed to the skills classical advertisers have. Marketing and advertising on the Web is about paying attention to what the customer wants to do. Google doesn't try to sell you diapers when you search for life assurance. It gives you ads for life assurance companies in your area. This is the new advertising. It's about paying attention. Being useful. Traditional marketing and advertising is all about getting attention. It's all about emotion and perception. And that's fine, offline. However, the marketing and advertising tactics that work online are almost the exact opposite of the offline attention-getting tactics. When you go to Ogilvy.com, the first thing you see is a huge Ogilvy logo. How ridiculous is that? Of course, the deep thinkers at Ogilvy will smile benignly and say it's a branding statement. Imagine if you went to Google and the only thing you saw was the Google logo. I have seen data from a major website where this sort of useless logo intro page caused 17 percent of the audience to leave immediately. I have seen lots of other data that shows that this sort of brochure design hugely irritates customers. And it's a tactic that's used by so many ad agency websites. Also, if you examine ad agency websites you will notice that they're big into handwriting. The Ogilvy logo is handwritten. And Leo Burnet states that, "Big Ideas come out of Big Pencils". Do these people ride to work on horses? Someone tell them about the Apple Mac. Practically all these ad agency websites use grey text because grey text is cool and 'creative.' And of course those who want to be super cool will use white text on black backgrounds because that's what truly 'creative' and 'innovative' 'creatives' do. And the supersonically 'creative' ad agencies play background music when you arrive at their websites. One thing that has struck me over the years is how utterly uniform and predictable certain 'creative' people are. Ad agencies are black sheep in a flock of black sheep. The saddening uniformity these websites exhibit is quite ironic considering that uniqueness is supposed to be the hallmark of such agencies. Ad agencies may well have genuinely creative people but their websites do them a huge disservice. It's the Web. It's not print. It's not TV. Truly creative people know that web design is also about making things work well. As Steve Jobs puts it, "Design is not just what it looks like and feels like. Design is how it works." And as James Dyson puts it, "Styling for its own sake is a lazy 20th Century conceit." Time for ad agencies to stop creating 20th Century websites."
One of the sounds that I think typifies Africa is that of the fish eagle. Absolutely unmistakable to anyone who has heard it. Those who know a little of them also know that the call is from one fish eagle to his/her mate who is always close. The sight of one of these 2 metre wingspan birds plucking a fish from the water is one that is not forgotten easily.
Now, here in Durban south, amongst the quarries, despite (by European standards) having a cornucopia of bird species, the fish eagle was present only very rarely but about a year ago, we hear the call every day and can see on occasion four birds way, way up.
They seem to live near one of the local streams although what they find to eat, who knows?
Right, back to my favourite municipal mismanager - Fidel Sutcliffe. I understand he managed to find time to attend the opening of the new airport. I gather he had to take a break from removing the black paint from street signs around Durban. The first time he has set foot on the new airport. I hope everyone there including Jacob Zuma was suitably deferential. Anyhoo he stayed to listen to Zuma’s speech and then departed to open a new can of thinners.
I had to go to an unfamiliar part of Durbs the other day and I had to go to a street that had an unmemorable Zulu name and an equally unmemorable English name. I knew I was at the right spot when I came across a street sign that was completely blacked out. Not a trace of white. I think I’ll start a website where local punters can anonymously post pics of their cartographic endeavours.
In Durban, there is a piece of ratepayer funded propaganda called the ‘Metro’ - or ‘ ezasegagasini’ for those who do not understand ‘Metro’ - which has now apparently taken the place of the folly called ‘MetroBeat’ (see previous blogs). It is replete with feel-good items such as ‘Thumbs Up for Budget’, ‘We’re wInning the Water Loss War’ and ‘Pensioner Rejoices over New House’.
Under ‘Opinion and Letters’ we have ‘Money is Tight but we’re Using it Well’ from the Mayor Mr. Obed Mlaba and then this item from the egregious Municipal Manager, Comrade Dr. Michael Sutcliffe:
‘King Shaka Airport Does Us All Proud’ - this from a man who has ignored this multi billion rand development on his doorstep for five years - and in fact showed his enthusiasm for it by delaying it by three months.
He manages - presumably by swallowing copious amounts of bile - to devote a whole two paragraphs to the subject before wandering off in to more pressing matters such as his pet World Cup football stadium which he labels as an ‘incredible success story’ already.
Har har.
He then unsurprisingly takes a swipe at those who have the temerity to disagree with him but surprisingly, gives an example of what triggered the outburst. I quote:
” . . . our wonderful city that shows that South Africans are really special people.
Of course we have some ‘Mother Grundies’ who still complain about everything. Recently I was confronted by two children around 12 and 15. The young girl said ‘Mr. Sutcliffe, we like you because you are white, but you are friendly with blacks so we think you are an a**hole’.
She repeated the sentence like a parrot and then returned to her and they walked away. Their parents had clearly told them what to say. All could think of was what kind of parents do we have bringing up children, getting them to mimic their own racism but not showing them what a wonderful country and people we have.”
Well Dr. (of town planning) Sutcliffe, the bulk of Durban’s population also think you’re an ‘a**hole’ but not because you’re friendly with ‘blacks’ but because you have an ego that is in inverse proportion to your competence, you have an agenda that you’re prepared to prosecute even if it means taking procedural ’shortcuts’ and an unprofessional, peevish and vindictive nature that might indicate some sort of sociopathic deficiency when you encounter someone with a differing opinion.
It’s about time he went off and infested some hapless academic institution where he can do no more harm to a once fine city that increasingly resembles a bomb site.
Have you ever noticed how people deal with shopping trolleys in supermarkets? After years of casual study and instruction in sexism, I have concluded that men and women interact with theses gadgets differently.
Men regard shopping as a chore, a job to be done as expeditiously as possible. Research, get in, buy and get out. Now, as I have mentioned before, this activity is a completely different beast to women. Shopping is something to be submerged in, to be surrounded by and to surrender to and to enjoy its languid delights.
Ever walked behind a woman - or worse, two women - in a mall? Of course you have. Very few walk through its manifold distractions with any degree of purpose. Mouths and ears may be logged on to the partner but the eyes are everywhere, ready to instruct the brain to bring the body to a screeching standstill should the slightest temptation be espied - and of course all those following immediately behind - so that said item can be critiqued with pal.
Women drive their trolleys like they drive their cars - just go into the car park and you’ll see cars at all angles, parked in disabled zones and on kerbs. What is it about South African drivers that they cannot walk a bloody yard anywhere. I swear they’d drive up the aisles if they could.
Anyway, back to trolleys.
What I have just said about women in malls also of course applies in supermarkets. Here you are, dying to get the wretched shopping done, list half completed and smack on schedule and you end up behind a woman with a thousand yard stare ambling slowly up the middle of an aisle, head swinging to and fro like a radar.
Suddenly, she stops, leaves the trolley in the middle of the aisle and examines some trinket on a shelf. You cannot pass - there’s another woman doing the same thing further on. Just as bad is the chevron parking in the aisles - the lone trolley parked across the aisle. The owner is twenty metres away reading the small print on a packet of snake blood seasoning or on the cellphone asking the maid how many tins of mussels are in the cupboard.
Follow either of these two into the car park and their cars will be the ones on the kerbs or parked so that the car next door cannot open its doors.
I had a boss once, a woman in her 60s who drove a Fiat 124. On a Saturday you always knew when Rita was at the Scottsville mall. On the corner opposite was her car, parked at an angle of 45 degrees to the kerb and no closer to it than about a metre, gumming up the whole carriageway of Pietermaritzburg’s Milner Road. She probably ate mussels too.
Sigh.
A week ago I commented on the astonishing fact that the new King Shaka Airport - the second most expensive public works ever in this country - doesn’t exist as far as the municipality that it is to serve is concerned.
I used a copy of the Metro Beat magazine to demonstrate but I have been told that it is no more. It has beat its last. Too expensive for a defibrillator apparently. The Metro newspaper (even more blatant propaganda) seems to have taken its place.
Is the municipality going to refund us our $1 now for this ‘free’ magazine? I doubt it.
Why didn’t they anticipate this? Why not bring out a meatier version once every four months?
We’ll have to get used to the ‘M&M’ shopping basket stadium that we’re all going to pay for for years and a seafront that’s like a bombsite.
