Women’s Handbags
What is it with women and their handbags? More specifically, the way they use them at supermarket checkouts. Over the years, I’ve stood behind thousands at the checkout and, almost invariably, they act the same way.
First, they put the stuff on the conveyor to be tallied and when it is all on, they watch the subtotal increase. When it comes to pay they then open their bags and rummage about in the depths, often up to their armpits in a container that you could hide a pig in.
After a short period when the purse is somehow located and dragged to the surface with a flourish like the result of some archeological dig, they then recheck the total and open the purse. A pile of notes is produced and riffled through. At this point, the woman decides that now would be a good time to reduce the 3kgs of change in this bursting purse so a few notes are presented and the others replaced. Another pocket is opened and a handful of silver and copper is counted out over a period that would make the Cretaceous seem like the blink of an eye. This pile is again rechecked and presented to the cashier who checks it again.
The other scenario is where R16.75 worth of purchases are made and again, after checking the total and the purse somehow located in the über capacious bag, a credit/debit card is produced. The woman then has to swipe it and enter a PIN if it’s a debit card - if she can remember it - and we all wait for the modem to spit out the statement and for her to sign the thing for R16.75.
A man - and I’ve stood behind thousands of those too - operates entirely differently. He knows approximately how much his purchases are going to cost and he has adequate cash out as soon as the last item is on the conveyor. He checks the total, proffers the cash, takes the change and is off with his purchase under his arm. You don’t see a credit card come out unless the purchase is significant. He doesn’t have a bag the size of a container and a purse stuffed like a piñata.
There is a deeper cause here and it’s to do with the way men and women shop.
Shopping is an experience for women - they have to gaze, touch, debate, agonize. The longer they take, the more they enjoy the ‘experience’. They all shop with a thousand-yard stare on their faces. The purchase is almost incidental and may only serve to justify the ‘experience’.
Men regard shopping as a job and a chore. The sought item is researched, compared with like and located. The man goes to the store, takes the chosen product to the checkout, pays for it (usually with cash) and goes home.
You only have to go to the mall at a weekend to see how many men enjoy sharing the ‘experience’. There they are outside clothes shops, looking bored, moving listlessly from one foot to the other while the wife touches, examines in some detail, looks at what other women customers are wearing, discards and deliberates before emerging with a carefully crafted expression that is meant to convey to the husband that ‘I really tried - honest’. I think women’s clothes shops would do a far better trade if they provided some easy chairs and a paper - perhaps some girly mags to focus their attention.
If the ‘experience’ proves to be fruitless, the man is blamed because ‘How could I choose something sensibly when you’re outside with an expression like thunder? I don’t know why I bring you I really don’t ‘. The man doesn’t know either.
If I am compelled through a serious error of judgement to accompany my wife to the mall, I put up a good, concerned, involved husband show for 30 minutes and then tell her I’ll be in the Spur with a coffee and paper.